This is my first time blogging since I used a blog to update family and friends about my mother's illness. She had cancer and I had moved in with her to help with her medications and get her to appointments, etc. When she passed away, that was the end of my blogging until now!
I didn't mind blogging on behalf of my mom because I knew and understood that so many people cared about her and wanted to know how she was doing without constantly calling. That would have been overwhelming.
I haven't blogged about myself because I think "Who would care?!?!" but I have had so many people tell me that putting your thoughts down can be therapeutic. And, seeing as I don't keep journals, this is one way for me to be able to look back on life and reflect and see what has changed, what has stayed the same. Am I improving. Am I reaching any of my goals.
The direct reason I am starting a blog is because I am taking an online yoga course through edX.
I'm currently not working, although I am job searching, and I find I have a lot of time to myself. I consider myself a constant learner. I believe I will always take opportunities to learn new information and learn or improve skills if the opportunity is there.
I find it helpful to have an actual physical place to be at a certain time, so the online course is something I am challenging myself to do thoroughly and completely.
My course asks us to blog and to share our posts with the other students. I had avoided it until now, but I am trying to push myself a little more. Not having anywhere to be, it's hard to get motivated.
Now to talk a little bit about yoga. I have been doing yoga for a long time. I like it. I like the people I meet who also like it. I like experiencing different classes with different teachers at different temperatures! I like what yoga encourages me to do, even though sometimes I just don't know if I will ever get as "good" as I hope. I love that yoga encourages me to focus on breathing. I try! But I always lose my focus along the way. I love that yoga encourages me to be present and focus on where I am, but life's worries, and sometimes the excitements always creep in. I love that yoga shows me really cool things that bodies can do, even though sometimes I'm scared to try them.
I have done a LOT of yoga and I am naturally very flexible, but I still do beginner yoga and gentle yoga sometimes. I sometimes feel like intermediate or advanced classes get me thinking about trying to compete with the other people in the class, and I crave positive reinforcement. I'm embarrassed to admit that. Reason #1 I avoid blogging: I'm not proud of everything I say and feel! But that is the truth. Anyway, because of this course, I have been practicing yoga at home. I have never had much success with this because home has so many distractions and the teacher can't actually see me. But, I'm doing it! I have done the "full class" all the way through a couple of times. The second time I tried it, I wanted to quit every minute. I was in Warrior 2 and I couldn't even keep my arms up! I tried twisting in Chair pose and realized that I'm now too fat to twist as far as I once could! Oh, that was quite the eye opener.
So, when my stepdaughter walked into the house, I stopped mid-practice. But I pushed myself to try again the next day and I had a little more determination and I finished the class.
But today, I went on the website "doyogawithme" and I found a 25 minute beginner class. And I liked it :) I have been getting so frustrated with myself lately. I'm kicking myself for letting my weight increase steadily, and the fact that I've lost some strength and balance. I was putting my socks on today, I was standing on one leg and trying to put my sock on and I fell over three times!!!! I got so angry! First of all, I can't bend straight over any more due to my big belly and boobs, I have to stick my knee out to the side to get my foot up high enough. And secondly, I had no balance.
So, here is my first blog. I hope it is a step in the right direction. I want to finish this course without skipping anything.
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